E.S. Easton Analyzes

Here is my analysis of last show. Let me just be the first to pat myself on the back and say, I WAS RIGHT ALONG!

What was it I said? Brains will always overcome brawn. Ace Darling walked away with the titles! Actually, he ran away with the titles, but still...possession is nine tenths of the law!!! Glen Osbourne may have "won the battle", but Ace won the war! As far as I'm concerned, he's the undisputed champeen!!! And until Glen can get those belts back, it's gonna stay that way...Ace is quicker!

Now, onto the Logans...yes, they are still the ECWA Tag Team Champions...yes, they are a great tag team, and are one of the best teams to have ever graced an ECWA ring. HOWEVER the fact remains that they had to cheat to beat the Nigerians. The Nigerian Nightmares were pummeling the Logan Brothers from pillar to ring post, and sure enough, the Logans cheated to win. You know, there is just one thing that really tweaks my melon, and that's a cheater! I, E.S. Easton DO NOT and NEVER HAVE condoned cheating. It is unethical, unfathomable and for crying out loud inappropriate!!

Besides, I lost A LOT of money on that match!! Matt and Bryan Logan are a pair of jerks!

And speaking of jerk, Freak Nastty is returning in July...whoopdy doo!! Well, I have actually solved the so called "mystery" of the alleged attacker. Mr. Wright is WRONG. Sean Royal is NOT the attacker. Nor is it his partner, Danny Eckos...or Danny's brother Rob, or Rob's partner, Billy. Or Ted, Alice, Bob and Carol for that matter! It wasn't anyone on the roster or anyone affiliated with the ECWA front offices. It wasn't even a fan for that matter.

Confused? I know what I said last month, but I've had a chance to study all of the evidence now, and now I FINALLY KNOW what happened. Freak Nastty wasn't even attacked!!! You heard it here first! He's a liar! HE WAS NEVER ATTACKED! He simply slipped and fell, just like Mr. Ooh La La, but rather own up to it, he simply went with the story that he was attacked, rather than own up to the simple truth that the part owner of the ECWA is a KLUTZ!!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

- E.S. Easton

E.S. Easton swears innocence

Who attacked Freak Nastty? Hmm, well everyone on the roster is pretty ticked at him for the way he’s been running things. He still owes me money from when I managed him, the cheapskate!! But I also happen to know that there are people behind the scenes in the front offices of the ECWA that are ticked at him as well. These people could have easily put the hit out on Freak Nastty. Let’s look at the suspects… First, there’s ECWA Floor Director Gary McLaughlin. Nastty is ALWAYS teasing him about is unkempt appearance, saying he resembles “sasquatch with glasses” or Grizzly Adams. This infuriates Gary to no end. You can bet that he’s been waiting to exact his revenge.

Next we have Commissioner Naegle’s secretary, Mary Matsuda. Apparently about a year or so ago, Freak took Mary out on an expensive date, and right before the check came, he “had to use the men’s room” and never came back. Not only did she have to pay for dinner, but she had to take a two hour cab ride home. She was very distraught over the matter, and still doesn’t like to discuss the incident; but one thing I can tell you is that she does have much hatred for the sleazebag running our company.

And then there is Pete Theophall (I know what you’re thinking, you’ve seen that name someplace before.). Pete used to do the backstage interviews with Freak Nastty and took much verbal abuse with name calling like “pops” and “old man.” Well, Pete never forgot about it. Things like this tend to brew and stew. The same could be said about Commissioner Naegele. You don’t think that porky has it in for Freak Nastty? And he hasn’t been happy with the way things have been running since Freak has become “part owner.” Which leads me to Jim Kettner…

How do we know he wasn’t behind the attack? Do you think he likes that his promotion is being run by a wrestler who’s doing a hack job on the place? NOOOOO! Do you think he’s willing to do something about it? YESSSSS!!! Or, maybe they’re all in on it together. Or, maybe it’s none of them. There are three things I can tell you for sure:

1. It wasn’t me
2. I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!!
3. The Sleazeball deserved it!!

Will E.S. Easton place a bet on The Logans vs. The Nigerian Nightmares?

The Logans vs. The Nigerians: Yeeeshh, I would not want to be the Logans on May 10th. Look, Matt and Bryan are an extremely exciting tag team to watch in the ring. They're fantastic wrestlers and there is a reason they are the ECWA tag team champions – those two deserve those titles. But the Nigerian Nightmares are just plain SCARY!!! And after the way they flattened the Logans last month, if I were a betting man, which I'm not, my money wouldn't be on the Logans. Look, the Logans are a smart team, but the Nigerians are massive! It's like I always say, size will always overcome brains! I'm gonna have to go check the Vegas odds.

E.S. Easton's Icon Vs. Icon Prediction

ECWA Heavyweight Champion "The Beast" Glen Osbourne vs. a man I once had the privilege of managing, ECWA Mid Atlantic Champeen, Ace Darling. The fans are in for a real treat when these two icons meet in the ring. First, let's look at the "Beast"; He's probably hands down the TOUGHEST man in the ECWA locker room, and not the kind of guy you'd want to catch on a bad day (or a good one for that matter). He will knock your teeth down your throat while eating a liverwurst sandwich! But don't be fooled, Glen isn't all brawn, he does have a few wrestling holds up his sleeve...

And then there's Ace Darling. He's the greatest wrestler to have ever stepped inside an ECWA ring. He's done it all here in the ECWA and everywhere else he's been. (For a list of his accomplishments and accolades just ask him and give yourself a good hour and a half). Ace is a thinking man's wrestler and a true ring general. This will be one heck of a battle, but it's like I always say - in the end brains will always beat brawn! Your winner: Ace Darling.